How COVID-19 Could Affect Kids' Long-Term Social Development

What is the most crucial age range for social development? 

Birth to three is by far the most crucial period for social development.  After all, it is during this period of time that each of us builds our very first relationship with another person.  The quality of our first attachment relationship with our primary caregiver actually shapes and wires our brain and sets the tone for every single relationship that follows.  If during this time our primary caregiver is responsive to our needs, comforts us in times of distress, adores us, returns our coos and smiles with coos and smiles of their own, then we begin to develop a deep-rooted sense of trust in ourselves, others and in the world around us.  However, if the opposite occurs and we are not comforted, nurtured, adored or responded to appropriately by our primary caregiver, then we are likely to experience a sense of deep-rooted insecurity in ourselves, towards others and towards the world around us.

In the short-term, if we do this “right”, the impact of social distancing on children’s social and emotional development has the potential to be very beneficial.  This is an incredible opportunity for many families to slow down and spend time together without being interrupted by the day to day activities (such as going to work, going to school, going out with friends, etc.) that – although important – move us all in very different directions.  Ever wonder what your kids are up to all day at school?  What they’re like with their teachers?  How they interact with their peers when you’re not watching?  In this fast-paced world of ours, moms, dads and kids spend a huge percentage of time living separate lives.  For the time being, that’s going to change dramatically.  Families are being forced to engage with each other in new and different ways.  Parents are being forced to become teachers one day and playmates the next.  Children are being forced to co-work with their parents.  Siblings are being forced to try and become best buddies.  Couples are being forced to spend more time together than perhaps ever before. 

All of these changes to family roles and responsibilities create stress.  Stress – in itself – isn’t a bad thing.  Stress is basically change.  And – as we all know – sometimes a little change can be a good thing. Stress – or change – creates pressure.  The right amount of pressure has the power to turn carbon molecules into diamonds.  But too much pressure put on that very same diamond, can crush it to powder.

What is hopefully accomplished socially in those years?

Trust and attachment. During those years it’s important to feel connection with other humans, feel like you’re part of a tribe, and feel seen and valued.

What are the potential impacts of social distancing on social development in the short term (less than 3 months) during those years? 

This is a time where we need social connection more than ever, so we like to think about this term as physical distancing instead. The impact physical distancing will have on kids will be situational.

• If parents are well enough and have the emotional energy to spend time with their kids, they may develop deeper connections and appreciate the things we may normally take for granted.
• If their family lacks the resources, like technology, to allow for them to connect and interact with others, it can have a negative impact on kids causing more stress and anxiety for them.
• In a perfect world, the happiest place for kids should be their home. It should be your safe haven, during times like these and in normal circumstances. 
• But, if home is a stressful place, physical distancing exacerbates and removes the outlets needed to buffer that stress. Kids in a home with social dysfunction rely on teachers and after-school programs daily for a buffer and positive relationship with an adult needed to replenish them.

What are the potential impacts of social distancing on social development in the long term during those years of prime social development?

  

In addition to the potential positive effects this may have, it will certainly be a strain on our relationships and our ability to form connections with other. Kids will miss physically playing with their friends and parents will struggle as well. Cabin fever can lead to frustration and agitation - even if we are surrounded by people we love, we will get on each other’s nerves and long for new interactions we are not able to have or make. However, positive, loving relationships will help mitigate the negative impact it has on our families.

The biggest concern, and those that will feel it most, are the homes that are already struggling. Without adequate support and resources, in a home where there is already stress and strain, we may see a rise in domestic violence, child abuse, divorce, and substance abuse during a time of isolation and seclusion.

What can families be doing to limit the impact of social distancing on social development and to help their kids still have social experiences and the chance to develop their social skills, even in these trying times? 

With physical distancing, kids might not be able to have that social connection they are used to, but that means that we GET to play with our kids like we are their peers! Sigmund Freud said, “nothing gives a child more pleasure than an adult gives up oppressive control and plays with them as equals.” It’s crucial that parents and kids find ample time to play together, whether it’s board games, fantasy games, rough housing, or sports.  

 Socialize as a family.

• One of the things that makes trauma, trauma, is that it stops us from taking effective action. So, helping kids to actually contribute to the home while we're home, giving them chores to do helps provide some internal control and teaches them life skills.
• Take time to be silly and let kids take a lead role in a simple activity like baking brownies. Watch and offer guidance from the sidelines as they read instructions, heat the oven, mix ingredients, etc.
• Have family discussions and acknowledge that you are in this together. Hold family meetings 2-3x a week to check in and determine what’s working well, what’s not, and what you are concerned about.
• Watch movies together and allow each member of the family to choose what everyone watches together. Afterwards, have a chat about it to practice conversational give and take with your kids

Set up external social interactions.

• “Across the Street Conversation” - Visit with friends and family in an open space and have conversations from 6-10 feet away.
• Host virtual play dates with kids.
• Set up an email for your kids so they can write to family and friends.